im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize