"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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