Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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