I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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