dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
