just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
