I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
