Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
