Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
