I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
