How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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