There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
