My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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