worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
