Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
