I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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