I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
