is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
