she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
