where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
