hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
