Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's like God shit irony all over that family
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize