I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Semen is not good for contacts.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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