so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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