I wish I could punch you in the face.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
