just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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