i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
