took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
