You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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