The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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