I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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