it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
