Barsexuality is the new black.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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