there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
only you would photoshop your dick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
