Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
