Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
