I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
