Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
