I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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