he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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