call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize