Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
