Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
