wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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