I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
love makes seman taste better
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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