I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
