i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
