so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
