I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what day is it and did you see me today?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
