I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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