you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
