apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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