...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
