i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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