Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just threw up on my dentist
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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