I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
