fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
