We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
