He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
