just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
